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Third Season Episode Guide

Part 2 of 4

Season 3, Episode 6: "Don't Tug on Superman's Cape"

Written by: David Simkins
Directed by: Steven Dubin
Original airdate: November 5, 1995
Guest stars: Genie Francis as Amber Lake; Jonathan Frakes as Tim
Lake, Kenneth
Kimmins as Dr. Klein; Michael Harris as Bad Brain Johnson.
 
Lois and Clark are plagued by nightmares concerning their relationship. Clark is afraid that Lois wants to get in on the Superman act and is afraid of the times he'll miss because of his Superman duties. Lois is afraid that, like the women in James Bond movies, she is just a hood ornament.  Tim and Amber Lake, a rich and famous couple, break the criminal, Bad Brain Johnson, out of jail and promptly disintegrate him, with his own machine, for their rare collection. The next addition to their collection will be Superman, if they have their way, and they intend to use Lois to trap him When Lois and Clark snoop around too much, the Lakes try to kill Clark but almost kill Lois. Clark takes Lois to Smallville while he goes off to assist in an earthquake-devastated China.

When Lois finds evidence against the Lakes, she rushes back to Metropolis, where the Lakes make it appear that Bad Brain Johnson has disintegrated her. Superman, devastated by the loss of Lois, goes to confront the Lakes and discovers that they have Lois trapped in a cage. He agrees to go into a cage too, in order to keep Lois alive.  Lois and Clark tell each other how they feel about one another, and Clark tries a new way of escaping -- displacing his molecular structure by fast vibration. It works.  Back at the Planet, at a welcome back celebration for Lois and Clark, they agree that they are going to start talking about marriage. Clark covertly takes out the engagement ring and ponders popping the question again. 

 
Classic Lines:
 
1. Clark/Ricky: Lois, I think you got some splainin' to do.


2. Lois/Lucy: Me superwife!


3. Lois/Lucy: Oh, Clarkie, well, I can splain why they sploded.


4. Lois: Maybe it's Bad Brain. Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh, come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know that I'm gonna go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I'm trying to be nice.


5. Lois/Miss Goodbottom: Let me take care of this. I know how to handle
him. I'll give him a migraine. Who does he think he is busting out of prison making our lives miserable?
Clark/James Bond: In future years, when I've gone on to a series of
successful sequels and you've gone on to relative obscurity, please remember that, at this moment, I was only thinking of you.
Lois/Miss Goodbottom: Clark!
Clark/James Bond: The name is Man, Superman.


6. Lois: I don't know if I suspect them because they're suspects or because they make me wanna barf.


7. Perry/Friday: Let me tell you something, Mr. Kent, your wife may have
been the one to go psycho . . .


Jimmy/Gannon: . . . trash the supermarket . . .
Perry/Friday: . . . throw over all the vegetable bins . . .
Jimmy/Gannon: . . . melt the entire freezer section.
Perry/Friday: But you drove her to it. You're just as guilty.
Clark: G...g...guilty of what?
Jimmy/Gannon: Indifference.
Perry/Friday: Preoccupation with other things.
Jimmy/Gannon: No emotional support.
Perry/Friday: No time for bedtime stories.
Jimmy/Gannon: And don't give me another saving-the-Hoover-dam alibi
cause I've heard it all before.


8. Lois: What do I know? These glasses fooled me for two years. Oh boy, what a dope!


9. Martha: Oh, listen to us. You'd think it was our problem. I'm sure you guys are working this stuff out if you're talking about marriage. Oh, I forgot.
You're not . . . talking about it.


10. Perry: Where's your bulletproof vest?
Lois: Dry cleaners. Let me wear that tie. Bullets'll run screaming.
Perry: It's a gift.


11. Amber Lake: You're the honey, honey. Superman's the bee.


12. Lois: Don't do it.
Superman: It's the only way to keep you alive.
Lois: Would you stop. The world needs you.
Superman: And I need you.
* * *
Lois: You'll be trapped, caged.
Superman: I'll be with you.


13. Lois: You gave up everything in your life for me.
Superman: Without you it wouldn't have been a life.


14. Lois: I guess you think of me as more than a hood ornament?
Superman: I don't even own a car.


15. Lois: Ever since we met . . . actually, ever since I took the time to listen, something about you always made sense to me. Even when a
huge part of you didn't make any sense, there was a part deep down that did. That's the part that touches me. Just makes sense out of life.


16. Superman: That's what you and I together are all about -- taking a
chance.


17. Lois: So, I'll go on three. You know, one, two, umph.
Superman: Okay.
Lois: I'm not going to say three.
Superman: Lois!


18. Perry: Yeah, well, just remember there's no perfect sunsets. There's a little crack in every cloud, but that's what gives you your silver lining.

 


 

Season 3, Episode 7: "Ultra Woman"

Written by: Gene O'Neill and Noreen Tobin
Directed by: Mike Vejar
Original airdate: November 12, 1995
Guest stars: Shelley Long as Lucille Newtrich; Mary Gross as Nell
Newtrich; Kenneth
Kimmins as Dr. Klein.
 
The show picks up right where the last episode left off. Clark tells Lois that he wants to take her to Paris for dinner. Lois then sees Clark eyeing the engagement ring. The Newtrich sisters (sisters of Gene; see "Individual Responsibility") plot to make Superman apathetic by shooting him with a laser of red kryptonite so that they can rob a postal truck carrying old ATM money. But, when the laser hits Superman as he is covering Lois, his powers are transferred to her. After saving one person as Lois Lane, Clark suggests that she don a disguise, which Martha Kent makes for her. After she saves the Daily Planet building, a powerless Clark, dressed as Superman, dubs her "UltraWoman." 

While Lois is off saving the world, Clark attempts to deal with the loss of  his powers, and Alice  leaves Perry. The Newtrich sisters, after watching Superman not using his powers and seeing UltraWoman, figure out that Lois is the superwoman and that the beam caused a transfer of powers.  They then kidnap Clark to lure Lois, but he refuses to yell for help. Clark escapes and then yells for help. Lois comes immediately. They then discover some numbers on a chalkboard at the Newtriches.  Lois reveals to Clark that she is not dealing well with not being able to answer everyone's cries for help. Clark assures her that she is doing her best but that no one can save everybody. 

The sisters then stage a crisis, which UltraWoman responds to, and a shot from the laser transfers  Lois' powers to Lucille. Lois and Clark then discover that the sisters plan to rob the postal truck.  UltraWoman confronts them. Meanwhile, Superman gets the lasergun, and Lois transfers the powers back to him.  At the Planet, Lois pockets the engagement ring. Later, at Centennial Park, Lois and Clark walk the same path they did when he proposed. Lois tells Clark that having flown a mile in his cape has made her love and respect him more. She sits him down and gets down  on one knee and proposes. He says yes and slips the ring on her finger.

 
Classic Lines:
 
1. Lois: Oh, uh, these shoes cost $75. Does the superheroes' union cover expenses?


2. UltraWoman: How blind do you think people are?


3. Superman: Uh, this is UltraGir . . . Woman, UltraWoman.


4. Lois: I think you should apply ice.


5. Lois: You don't like just wearing your boxers?
Clark: Boxers? I wear briefs.
Lois: I know.
Clark: Lois, did you x-ray my . . . ?


6. Clark: (After a kiss from Lois while she has superpowers) Whoa!


7. Martha: What on earth makes you think you can fool me?


8. Clark: I really could use some help! . . . getting out of this.
<Whoosh> It worked.


9. UltraWoman: And I don't care what you say. I know it doesn't make you
feel good to watch me do what you were born to do.
Clark: I admit, I do miss the cape and the S, and this whole bleeding thing is no fun.


10. Lois: You know, if somebody had asked me three days ago who the one
person in the world I admired most was, I'd have said you. But, without really knowing what that meant. Without understanding that the hardest thing about being you is all the things you can't do. All the cries for help that you can't answer. And how that quietly tears you apart. But it never stops you. And after living a little of that myself, I realized something. Something that I never thought was possible.
Clark: What?
Lois: I love you more. More than I ever have and more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and so, I wanna ask . . . Will you marry me?
Clark: Who's asking? Lois or UltraWoman?
Lois: Who's answering? Clark or Superman?
Clark: I'm answering.
Lois: I'm waiting.
Clark: Yes

 


 

Season 3, Episode 8: "Chip Off the Old Clark"

Written by: Michael Jamin and Sivert Glarum
Directed by: Michael Watkins
Original airdate: November 19, 1995
Guest stars: Susan Batten as Leigh-Anne Stipanovic; Alex D. Linz as
Jesse Stipanovic;
Joel Brooks as Donald Rafferty; Dave Coulier as
Anonymous; Kenneth
Kimmins as Dr. Klein.

 
Lois and Clark's enjoyment of their recent engagement is shattered when awoman claims to haveborne Superman's love child. The little boydoes have superpowers, andLois' faith is further shaken  when she hears similarities between her relationship with Clark and this woman's alleged relationship ith Superman. Clark continues to insist the boy is not his and is disheartened when Lois has doubts.  A radical group hires Anonymous, a master of disguise, to launch a missile at one of the countries to a peace treaty being signed in Metropolis, but he needs the launch codes from the president of one of the countries.

He kidnaps the kid in order to help him kidnap the president. In the meantime, Lois tells Clark that she believes him because he wouldn't lie to her. Clark then discovers that the boy got his powers when Superman rescued a plane in Michigan and electricity went through Superman (à la "A Bolt from the Blue"). However, because the transfer was indirect, the boy is beginning to lose his powers. The woman confesses that she lied. Superman then rescues the boy, captures Anonymous, and prevents the missile from destroying the country.

 
Classic Lines:
 

1. Clark: Lois, salmon swimming upstream haven't had the mating troubles
we've had.


2. Lois: It will be like this forever. You cooking, me watching.
Clark: What, you're never cooking?
Lois: Mmm, it's not really something I do.
Clark: I thought it was just lack of time.
Lois: No, no, lack of talent.


3. Lois: You don't have any really big secrets, do you?
Clark: Did I mention the flying?
Lois: Hmm, I only marry men who fly.


4. Perry: Now, Lois, you and I have been newspeople long enough to know
that, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, tastes good with plum sauce, it is a duck.


5. Martha: We're here to support you and fight this little hussy with
everything we've got.
Clark: Mom! Wow!


6. Donald Rafferty: My dear, you have nothing to worry about. * * *The
test will either show that Superman is the father or not.
Leigh-Anne: And how is that last one a good thing?
Donald Rafferty: Oh well, I will bring in opposing experts to argue that the DNA tests are inconclusive or contaminated or the result of tampering or part of a conspiracy.
Leigh-Anne: Is that legal?
Donald Rafferty: My dear, it's the backbone of the entire legal system.


7. Superman: The irony is there's really only been one woman in my life, and she's wearing a ring.


8. Lois: The truth is what you tell me and what I tell you, because that's the kind of relationship we have.
Clark: Lois, the best day of my life was the day you found out that I'm Superman. It meant no more secrets. I'm done hiding things from you.

 


 

Season 3, Episode 9: "Supermann"

Written by: Chris Ruppenthal
Directed by: James R. Bagdonas
Original airdate: November 26, 1995
Guest stars: Sean Kanan as Steve Law; Paul Kersey as Hank West;
Sandra Hess as Lisa
Rockford; Kenneth Kimmins as Dr. Klein; Linden Chiles
as Senator Truman
Black; Sean Whalen as Skip.

 
As Lois and Clark begin discussing wedding plans, three Nazis who had been preserved in suspended animation since World War II by a Nazi experiment reappear after two years of establishing themselves in high-profile careers and reorganizing the Reich.  When Lois and Clark get too close to the story, the Nazis try to kill them. After a near brush with death, they decide that perhaps they shouldn't wait any longer to consummate their relationship, but they are interrupted by Jimmy. 

The Nazis next set off a nuclear reaction which Superman stops but which causes him to become radioactive. As the Nazis announce Superman's demise and as the Nazis begin to take over, Lois suggests that the sun would draw out the radioactive particles from Clark's skin. Lois then goes to try to stop the Nazis. A healed Superman saves Lois and the world from Nazi domination.

 
Classic Lines:
 
1. Perry: Alright, listen up, everybody. Look who's decided to join us this morning. Let's give it up for Lois and Clark.


2. Lois: Uh! Who makes these people?
Clark: C'mon, Lois, you are much better looking than Lisa Rockford.
Lois: See how well trained I have him already.


3. Jimmy: Am I interruptin' somethin'?
Lois: Uh, no, no. Not at all. Is he, Clark?


4. Lois: Supermodel or terrorist? Supermodel or terrorist? I mean, how
do you wake up in the morning and decide to be that?


5. Lois: Is there any languages you don't know?
Clark: Well, sometimes I have trouble understanding you.


6. Dr. Klein: Boy, it's almost like they were married.


7. Superman: Say goodbye, Skippy.


8. Perry: (Quoting Thomas Jefferson) Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.

 


 

Season 3, Episode 10: "Virtually Destroyed"

Teleplay by: Dean Cain
Story by: Dean Cain and Sean Brennan
Directed by: Jim Charleston
Original airdate: December 10, 1995
Guest stars: Andrew Mark Berman as Jaxon Xavier;

Andrew Bryniarski as X;
Paula Poundstone as The Voice of the Computer.
 
A nervous Lois broaches the subject of the honeymoon and their lack of experience with each other.  They then go to see Jaxon Xavier's virtual reality place. Jaxon had invited Lois because he hopes that  she will know the passwords to Lex Luthor's virtual reality system. Disturbed that Clark is along, Jaxon plans to kill him. After a brief demonstration, Jaxon makes Lois and Clark believe that they have left the virtual world.  After Lois has a healthy meal, Lois and Clark discuss their prior sexual experiences. Lois tells Clark t at her prior relationships have all been negative. Clark reveals that he is  a virgin. A shocked Lois says that she feels pressure, but Clark assures her that everything will be fine. At this point, someone tries to kill Clark, and Superman also appears. Lois and Clark then realize that they are still in the virtual world. 

Lois and Clark then go to Lois' virtual apartment and realize that Jaxon/X (his computer alterego) appears when they are close. They kiss and end up in the bedroom ripping each other's clothes off. X  then bursts in, and Clark is thrown out of the virtual world. Jaxon tells Clark that, if he takes the goggles off of Lois, she will die.  Superman goes to the Daily Planet to seek Jimmy's help in breaking into the virtual reality system, which they eventually do. In the meantime, Jaxon, looking like Clark, questions Lois about her relationship Lex. She tells him the three names Lex wanted their children to have. These names are the passwords into Lex's system, but there is one name missing. Jaxon then reveals that he is Lex's illegitimate son.

Lois tells him that Lex told her that he had been killed. Superman and Jimmy burst in, and the three of them are thrown into the oomputer's unused memory. Jaxon discovers that the fourth name, and the last code word, is "Clark," Lois' choice for a child's name. Lois, Jimmy and Superman then discover that Jaxon's watch is the escape from virtual reality.  They lure Jaxon into the computer, and Lois makes Jaxon feel insecure so that he shrinks from the muscle-bound X to his own size. They then overpower him, steal the watch, and escape from the  virtual world. Jaxon's mind, however, is trapped in the computer.   Lois and Clark look forward to their honeymoon, and Lois continues to eat like a fiend.

 
Classic Lines:
 
1. Lois: You beat Superman.
X: To a pulp.
Lois: Oh, thank you. I was getting so sick of him.


2. Clark: Mattress store?


3. Clark: Well, my experience has been a little different.
Lois: Mmm, Hmm.
Clark: I'm a little different.
Lois: Sure.
Clark: I mean, I've had girlfriends. I've dated. But that thing, the intimacy threshold, the big threshold. I've never really crossed it.


4. Lois: So, what you're saying is is you're a vir . . . vir . . . vuh . . . a very patient man.


5. Clark: Well, then think of it that way. I'll be your first non-federal disaster, and you'll be my first . . .


6. Lois: This isn't really happening, is it?
Clark: No, it's all in our minds.
Lois: How come it feels so real?
Clark: Who cares!


7. Lois: You know, just when I think I know everything there is to know
about you, you take my breath away with something new.
Clark: Good, because that's exactly how I feel every single time I see you

 


 

Season 3, Episode 11: "Home Is Where the Hurt Is"

Teleplay by: Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner
Story by: William M. Akers
Directed by: Geoffrey Nottage
Original airdate: December 17, 1995
Guest stars: Robert Carradine as Joey Bermuda/The Handyman; Beverly
Garland as Ellen
Lane; Harve Presnell as Sam Lane; Jessica Collins as
Mindy Church; Kathy
Tragesar as Baby Gunderson.

 
The Kents come to Metropolis for Christmas, and Lois' divorced parents both drop by unexpectedly.  Sam Lane  brings along his fiancée, a robot. While Lois' parents bicker, Lois tells her mother that she will not let her parents' bad relationship affect her happiness with Clark.  Mindy Church kills off the Metropolis crime bosses and resumes Intergang. She then plots with a cientist, Joey Bermuda, to kill Superman by infecting him with a Kryptonian virus derived from the spaceship which brought him to Earth. When Superman rescues Mindy, they spray him with the virus. 

An ailing Superman goes home sick. As he gets weaker, Lois asks her father to treat him. Sam suggests that they expose Superman to kryptonite until he slips into a coma, so that his system can no longer support the virus. Lois promises Clark that she will look after his parents. After he goes into a coma, Lois spends the night beside him. Sam suggests that Lois go home. At the urging of Jonathan, she goes home to her place with the Kents.  As Lois lays half awake in a chair, she stirs as Clark begins to stir. Each calls out the other's name. 

Then the phone rings. Sam tells Jonathan that Superman is okay.  Meanwhile, a device which Bermuda installed in Lois' microwave, per Mindy's instructions, goes off and creates agony for Lois and the Kents. Superman rushes in, grabs the microwave and destroys it. However, Baby Gunderson, the robot, recorded Bermuda installing the device. When Lois and Clark lead the police to a hideout, Bermuda is there, and the police arrest him. Mindy Church has planted incriminating evidence making it look like it is Bermuda's place and making him look guilty.  Lois, Clark, and their parents enjoy Christmas together, and Lois and Clark look forward to their wedding and Christmas in their house. 

 
Classic Lines:
 
1. Lois: Oh, I love your parents. They're just so . . . not insane.


2. Ellen Lane: Of all the sick, psycho, sexual . . . nothing personal, Baby.


3. Ellen Lane: I don't think a pill can relieve years of neglect and betrayal.
Lois: Try two.


4. Clark: Mom, it's great you got the license number. I'm just saying
you shouldn't chase muggers.
Lois: It's okay, Martha, he tells me the same thing.

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