Season 4 Episode Guide

As Lois lays dreaming of Clark, "Lord Kal-El" prepares to meet his subjects aboard the mother ship. Lois explains toher colleagues that Clark has gone off to discover if organized crime is attempting to take advantage of Superman's absence and tried to defend Superman's leaving Earth. Clark, meanwhile, is stunned to discover that he is supposed to consummate his marriage to Zara, but neither he nor she can go through with it and agree to be partners, just not in bed. Next, they learn that Lord Nor and his men are headed toward Earth. Nor takes over Smallville,makes clear that he intends to rule with an iron fist and seals off the town with a force field.

Lois believes that she is losing her mine -- seeing Clark everywhere -- but she really is reunited with him for a brief moment when he returns to stop Nor. However, she has to pose as a concubine in order to gain real access to him, and he ensures her that he is married in name only. Then they learn of Smallville's fate. Clark and Lois infiltrate Smallville, but, when Nor learns that Kal-El is among them, he captures Martha and Jonathan to draw him out. Nor tells Clark that he plans to destroy him and his world.

Classic Lines:

1. Clark: I just want this kept low key, you know. They don't have to make a big deal over it . . . . Whoa!

2. Clark: My heart? No, my heart is waiting for me back on Earth. Lois is my heart. I was an outsider there, incomplete, until I met her.

3. Lord Nor: You see, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

4. Lois: I'm going crazy, and I'm talkin' to myself. That's a sign, isn't it? Now I'm askin' myself questions. Oh, this could be a problem. Well, maybe I'll learn to enjoy it.

5. Clark: If by sentiment you mean I value human life. Yeah, I'm kind of a nut that way.

6. Clark: Guys, I am trying to hold this unstable alliance together long
enough to defeat Nor's army, and you guys are talking concubines.
Ching: If you'll just take a moment to inspect these women.
Clark: I do not inspect women, Ching. I'm telling you that, that . .
.. (sees Lois) that, that could be a really good custom.

7. Lois: Concubines? I thought this was some sort of great, evolved
civilization. I mean, look at me. I'm on a leash.
Clark: Yeah, look at the outfit they put me in.
Lois: Well, actually, I don't mind yours.

8. Lois: And, you do look good, really great, in the new suit.
Clark: You think it's better than the blue and the cape?
Lois: Oh, no, I'm not knocking the blue suit. It's just that this is
more . . . more.

9. Lois: How married are you?
Clark: Lois, I promised you first.

10. Lois: (Trey interrupts their kiss) Do you mind? I'm on the clock here.

11. Lois: Concubine to slave. Is that a step down?

12. Clark: Look at us. I sort of figured we'd be on our honeymoon about
right now.
Lois: Well, at least you're here, with me. Being without you, that was hard. I mean, besides. . .
Clark: What?
Lois: Well, if you wanna know the truth, it's kind of exciting. Just
seems to be the way our life together is. Oh, god, do you think that's what makes our relationship work?
Clark: No. (Kisses her)

Lord Nor tells Clark how much he has hated him over the years for keeping him from the throne and places him under arrest. Meanwhile, the kryptonite from S.T.A.R. Labs is missing. Upon hearing of Clark's arrest, the Kryptonians go to Smallville, and Nor lets them land. Nor brings charges against Clark and Zara for high treason and conspiracy -- they have made a false marriage, and Clark plans on marrying Lois. The tribunal finds Clark guilty and sentences him to death by disintegration. As the sentence is being carried out, Ching finds an ancient law that permits the two lords to face one another in battle to settle the matter, thus, Trey reverses the procedure.

Ching trains Clark in Kryptonian fighting and tells him that he must be prepared to kill without hesitation and use his Kryptonian will. Lois discovers hat Colonel Cash, of the U.S. military, has the kryptonite and plans to gas Nor . . . and Superman. Clark almost kills Nor when Nor's men appear. The colonel sprays the kryptonite-laced gas, but Superman survives because he was knocked out by Nor's men, and they absorbed most of the kryptonite. Ching and Zara leave to rule over New Krypton,and Lois and Clark decide to get married as quickly as possible.

Classic Lines:

1. Lois: I know, I'm sorry. I get upset. I shoot my mouth off. I don't know if you noticed.
Clark: I have.

2. Clark: And, faster than a speeding bullet, you and I are going to get
married.
Lois: Can you make it any faster than that?

3. Jimmy: Listen, Ching, I was thinking, maybe I should wear one of those
black outfits like Kal-El has, you know, just so I'd fit in better . . . . It's not like I'd look bad or anything. I've really lowered my percentage of body fat.

4. Trey: Silence, concubine!
Lois: I am not a concubine.

5. Zara: By the way, we're out of high fat, high salt, nutritionally-worthless snack items.
Lois: I nearly cleaned out the store.
Zara: I know, but we're all nervous and, since we don't have to worry about calories or cholesterol . . .
Lois: Trust me, I know all about it.

6. Lois: Zara, stir the fudge, and turn off the popcorn.
Zara: Which is which?
Lois: Finally, someone worse in the kitchen than me.

7. Colonel Cash: Now, you have anything else you wanna say, little lady?
Lois: (Knees him in the groin) No.

8. Clark: So, Nor and Ran saved my life?
Lois: Well, they saved your life by absorbing most of the gas with their bodies after first knocking you senseless.
Clark: I keep telling you -- there's some good in everyone.

9. Clark: Trey, the more that I try to be Kal-El, the more that I know I am Clark.

10. Clark: I kept waiting for this incredible feeling of connection. You know, like I was exactly where I belonged, but that's only happened to me once in my life.
Lois: When?
Clark: The day I met you.

11. Lois: For a spaceman, you are the most romantic person I've ever known. Earth guys don't stand a chance against you.

12. Clark: Marry me, Lois. Let's not plan. Let's not wait. Let's not let clonemakers, or psycho psychiatrists, or women who shrink people into little people keep us apart. Just marry me.
Lois: You know, that's precisely what I was thinking.

Lois and Clark become concerned when Myrtle Beech, a/k/a the "Wedding Destroyer," breaks out of an asylum. The reporters had written the story that got her locked up, and they are worried about her ruining their upcoming wedding. They discover that her therapist, Dr. Grumman, has been feeding her hate and encouraging her disruption of weddings. He never told her that her fiancé, who had been killed, was cheating on her.

In order to stop her, Lois and Clark stagea fake wedding, but Myrtle has switched Lois' ring with an electrified one. Myrtle stops the ceremony and shocks Lois, but Clark tells her the truth about Grumman and convinces her to give up. Lois and Clark, with the helpof Mike, a guardian angel, finally get married on a mountain top with their friends and family looking on. And, once the ceremony is over, they plan to head to Hawaii.

Classic Lines:

1. (Lois bangs her head on the cabinet)
Clark: Honey, are you okay?
Lois: Who? Who are you?
Clark: What?
Lois: Where am I?
Clark: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Lois: I'm just kidding. Lighten up.
Clark: That's not funny. Honey, that is not funny.
Lois: No. That was funny.

2. Clark: Honey, *we* are getting married because our bein' together is
bigger than anything that has ever been. It's destiny.

3. Lois: Listen, let's get something straight. Clones eat frogs. Not lizards. Frogs. Any idiot knows that.

4. Lois: I'm sorry, Mr. Nunk, but, see, Superman is a *very* good friend
of ours, and, well, if he thought that you were helping Myrtle in any way, well, the phrase "God help you" would take on a whole new meaning, because only God could.

5. Lois: Most couples are picking out china patterns and arguing over
seating charts. We're breaking and entering.

6. Clark: Look, everyone needs to know that this isn't some kind of evil
genius, clone, amnesiac fakeout because there would be a riot.
Mike: Clark, I'm just here to help you both get what you have wanted for so long and what everybody has been waiting for so patiently and praying for so hard. Sometimes it takes us a little while, but we're always listening.

7. Mike: But, after everything that's happened, I think you guys have
learned something. Love survives. Survives any joy, any sorrow, all the rights, all the wrongs, even life and death. But, then, you both know that already. Just like you know now that now you have finally arrived at the perfect time and the perfect place.

8. Clark: Lois, I have loved you from the moment I saw you. I love your
humor, your passion, the way you just dive right in, even when you shouldn't.
Because you refuse to just watch the world. You demand that it be a better place, and, because of you, it is. And, today, I want to give you as much of the world as I can. So, I give you my heart, my soul, our future.

9. Lois: Clark, you're my best friend. Until I met you, I never had a best friend. And falling in love with you has been so easy, I don't know why I fought it so long. You have such gentle grace and such quiet strength and mostly such incredible kindness. I've never known anyone with as pure a heart, and, so, today, I give you my love, and my honor and our life together.

10. Mike: Lois and Clark, I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Martha (mouthing the words): Finally.

After deciding that Hawaii can wait (but heaven can't), Lois and Clark egin to make love, but they are interrupted by the arrival of H.G. Wells, who tells them that, if they consummate their marriage, Lois will die of a disease the next day because of an ancient curse. Wells explains that their souls are intertwined, however, because of the curse, every time they get together through time, tragedy strikes. So, they head to medieval England, where Tempus is a baron who wants to marry "Lady Loisette." However, she is in love with Sir Charles, alias "The Fox," a Robin Hood-like hero.

Since Baron Tempos will only trigger the curse if The Fox goes off with Lady Loisette, Clark decides to let Tempos kill him, but Lois won't let him do it. She agrees instead to marry him and give him her fidelity. However, when Lois, Clark and Wells return to the present, they learn that, now, Lois is to marry King Tempus. To fix what they did -- allowing evil to triumph over good -- they travel to the old West, where Tempus is an outlaw, Tempus Tex; Clark is the "Lone Rider" and a mild-mannered telegraph operator; and Lois is "Lulu." Lulu agrees to marry Tempus to spare Clark's life and the lives of her parents, but Clark saves her parents before she says, "I do," and Tempus is defeated at last. Finally, Lois and Clark get back to the twentieth century and make love for the first time.

Classic Lines:

1. Lois: I'm missing a bag. I must have left it at home. Oh, do you mind?
Clark: Honey, somethin' tells me we're not gonna need a lot of clothes
on our honeymoon.
Lois: No, but this bag has that black teddy you bought me . . .
(Clark zips out the door and back in, carrying the bag).
Lois: . . . in it.
Clark: This bag? This one?
Lois: I hope you don't do *everything* that fast.
Clark: There's one way to find out.

2. Clark: Do we even have a choice?
Wells: Abstinence?
Lois: No way.
Clark: No. No. Not a chance. Forget it.

3. Clark: Then, why am I here? I'm not even from this planet.
Wells: Perhaps Clark Kent isn't, but, your soul, it comes from a place
beyond planets, beyond time, where we . . . where we all come from. And the power of your love is what brings your souls together, time after time. You see, that is the one absolute: Wherever she is, you are.
Lois: Together, but eternally teased.

4. Jonathan: If Tempus discovers your secret identity, he'll have your head.
Lois: Oh, no, not the secret identity stuff again.

5. Baron Tempos: I hate it when the hero gets the heroine. So cliche.

6. (Lois and Clark are kissing)
Wells: Forgive me for interrupting.
Lois: Are you kidding? We could set our clocks by it.

7. Lois: Foreplay is great, but this is ridiculous.

8. Baron Tempos: Well, of course, it all makes perfect sense. Never in the same place at the same time. Always ducking away, returning with some lame excuse. I can't believe I was actually fooled by a little mask over the eyes.
Lois: Duh! Join the club.

9. Clark: What are you doing?
Lois: I'm looking for your secret identity. Tempus said you had one.
Wells: Dual personas does seem to be part of your destiny.
Lois: Yeah, and trouble seems to be part of mine. Bingo!
Clark: You sure this is going to work?
Lois: Please. Who are you talking to?

10. Lois: He's got my parents tied up to dynamite, and it's gonna blow up
in ten minutes unless I marry him. Which means evil wins, and we're screwed.
Clark: Don't worry. I'll find them. This sounds like a job for . . . the Lone Rider. Sheesh!
11. Wells: Destiny has blessed you both with each other. No small gift
indeed. There's many people who travel alone through, well, their whole lives and envy what you two have together . . . greatly. Try to remember that the next time the gods decide to test you.

12. Lois: Now, that's what I call getting carried over the threshold.
Clark: You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Although they never made it to Hawaii, Lois and Clark continue to enjoy the "benefits" of marriage and wonder how they'll make it through the day now that they have to go back to work. However, on their first day back, they and Jimmy are greeted by an old man who is the same age as Jimmy. Before they can talk to him, he dies, causing the reporters to investigate. In the process of investigating, Lois learns from Dr. Klein that Superman's molecular structure slows down his aging process. After hearing this news, she imagines herself old with a young Clark.

Once she tells him, he assures her that he will love her no matter what, but that doesn't ease the pain when she thinks of him having a long life after her. Meanwhile Jimmy gets a little too close to the investigation himself and gets aged by Dr. Doodsen, who has created a machine that steals youth and transfers it. In order to make an escaped bank robber youthful, Dr. Doodsen tells Superman that she will de-age Jimmy as well if he will give up some of his lifeforce. He agrees, and the process works. In the end, Lois and Clark decide to buy Dr. Doodsen's house in the city.

Classic Lines:

1. Lois: Wow!
Clark: I know.
Lois: That was . . .
Clark: I mean . . .
Lois: Exactly. The only thing I'd like more would be . . .
Clark: More?
Lois: Yes.
Clark: You know, we could still make those reservations in Hawaii.
Lois: We are not leaving this room.

2. Lois: How we gonna make it through the day?
Clark: I don't know.
Lois: Oh, you'd think after two weeks.
Clark: Oh, but we waited so much longer than two weeks.
Lois: So, it was worth it, then? The wait, I mean.
Clark: Lois, it was perfect. It was better than perfect . . . at least it was for me.
Lois: Clark, it was super.

3. Jimmy: Yeah, I'm fine, C.K. I seem to recall a woman, tall, and rubber gloves.
Perry: Uh, that's probably more information than we need to know, son.

4. Lois: Nice digs! Why do the bad guys always have such great places?
Maybe they have the same real estate agent.

5. Lois: You heard all that? What am I saying? Of course, you did. You
hear everything. You see everything. It's like being married to Saint Nick.

6. Lois: Dr. Klein told me that your molecular structure slows the aging
process, so, someday, I'll be an old crone, and you'll still be Superman.
Clark: Well, honey, even if it is true, it won't change how I feel about you. Nothing could ever change that.
Lois: I know that. We'll have a wonderful life together. But, then, after we have a wonderful life together, you'll just have another one.

7. Clark: The truth is, no one knows how long they've got. Anyway, it's
not the years that count. It's the moments. Right now. As they happen.

8. Clark: I mean, it's in the city. It's got a lot of character. Plus, it has a secret compartment, which well, I have to tell you, is very, very difficult
to find in a building this style.