Season 4, Episode 12: "Lethal Weapon"

Written by: Grant Rosenberg
Directed by: Jim Charleston
Original airdate: January 5, 1997
Guest stars: John Spencer as Hank Landry; Andre Nemec as Jerry
White; Kenneth
Kimmins as Dr. Klein; Tom Wilson as Carter Landry;
Nancy Dussault as
the Mayor; Stephen Pocock as a thug.

Clark begins having trouble controlling his powers for reasons he doesn't understand, but the trouble is red kryptonite, to which he is being exposed by Perry's ex-con s n, Jerry. Jerry got the kryptonite from someone he met in prison. He is approached by an ex-con named Hank Landry who hears that Jerry is taking on Superman and who wants to use the kryptonite to make millions.

Landry has a machine which levels things by sound, and he plans to hold the city hostage.  Meanwhile, Clark gets upset when he almost hurts Lois and others, and they start looking for anyone who's had dealings with the Newtriches, the only people who've had access to red ryptonite. Jimmy begins to get suspicious of Jerry and tells Lois, who follows him. Landry tells Jerry of his plans, and, when Jerry tries to back out, he threatens him and Perry.

Lois suspects that Jerry is behind the whole thing after she sees him meet with known criminals and gives Perry a watch just like one that was stolen from a jewelry store.  When Landry pulls his stunt, Superman tries to stop it, despite his problems, and he succeeds, but not before he gets hit with a kryptonite bullet, compliments of the mayor, who fears Superman was going to hurt someone. However, Superman is not hurt and returns to normal, so, Lois and Clark go back to their game of strip poker.

Classic Lines

1. Clark: Okay. I will see your shirt, and I will raise you everything
else you have on.
Lois: I'll call. Whatta you got?
Clark: Full house. Read em and weep.
Lois: Ah. Two pair.
Clark: Yes!
Lois: Well, that was amazing how you pulled that off. You didn't
happen to use any of
your buzz buzz.
Clark: Lois, I would never use a little buzz buzz to cheat at cards.

2. Lois: Well, we've gotta make a list of all the people that they came
in contact with in the last few years. Everyone at the Metropolis Federal Penitentiary, the lawyers, the friends, the relatives.
Clark: Honey, honey, honey. You're doing that manic thing.
Lois: Oh, that's just how I deal with anxiety.
Clark: I know, but it's making mine worse.

3. Lois: Oh, this is fabulous. Two bottles of water, a couple of lemons,
and a half of tuna sandwich. And, this is frozen solid. Guess I could beat myself to death with it.

4. Lois: Clark? What happened?
Clark: I hiccuped.
Lois: What?
Clark: I hiccuped, and our house turned into the Poseidon Adventure.
Lois: Then what?
Clark: I swallowed a teaspoonful of sugar and held my breath. Just
like my mom taught
me when I was a kid.

5. Dr. Klein: Picture in your mind's eye a white beach, gentle surf,
clear blue skies caressed
by graceful clouds, the songs of chimps afire with the mating urge . .
.. .
Superman: Dr. Klein?
Dr. Klein: Oh, sorry.

6. Lois: Superman, it was a kryptonite bullet.
Superman: That's alright. It just grazed me thanks to your . . .
Lois: Big mouth?

7. (Clark x-rays Lois' backside)
Lois: Excuse me, what did you just do?
Clark: Well, you are such a good poker player I figured that'd
probably be as close to a
win as I get tonight.
Lois: Well, you should let me know when you're gonna do that. I'll
put on my good
lingerie.

Season 4, Episode 13: "Sex, Lies and Videotape"

Teleplay by: Andrew Dettmann and Daniel Truly
Story by: Dan Wilcox
Directed by: Philip J. Sgriccia
Original airdate: January 19, 1997
Guest stars: Jack Wagner as Randy Goode; "Downtown" Julie Brown as
Samantha;
Tony Amendola as President Kasparov; Alan Charof as the
general ; Archie
Hahn as Barry Dunning.

Superman gets the International Peace Prize, and Randy Goode, the editor of  a tabloid who is jealous of the attention paid to Supes, intends to dig up dirt on him. His associate, Samantha, sees Lois touching Superman and sets off to follow Lois, who has a romantic weekend planned.  Samantha climbs up to the window of the chateau and takes photos of Lois and Superman kissing on the bed. 

Unfortunately for Samantha, her camera opens and exposes the film, so she hires a photo lab to create a picture. Meanwhile, Lois and Clark begin to deal with the brunt of the news hitting the tabloids: The peace talks Superman was supposed to mediate are called off, as the world begins to pass judgment on him and Lois, and skirmishes begin. Thus, Clark decides that he has to tell the truth about who he is in order to prevent war, but Lois tries to find out who is behind the photo before he holds a press conference.

She and Jimmy figure out which lab doctored the photo, but Goode kidnaps Lois to lure Superman to her.  Goode wires the conference room with the world leaders in it and ties Lois to a bed that is rigged, as well. Supes saves them all and then tells everyone that the photo was a fake. Thus, Lois and Clark go back to attending to each other.

Classic Lines:

1. Superman: What kind of welcome home did you have in mind exactly?
Lois: Oh, a weekend in bed in a mountain hideaway where not everything is done at superspeed.

2. Goode: Are you saying that Superman's knocking red boots with a married woman?

3. Clark: So, you lied?
Lois: Clark, please. It was a fib . . . It was an exaggeration. It was a minor distortion . . . Okay, I lied, but it was a little, tiny white lie. Nobody got
hurt. It's not like they're letting us in for free or anything.

4. Jimmy: Guys, let me just be the first to say that I don't believe it for a second. It's obviously fake. The photograph's fake. It's unequivocably bogus. Although it's pretty good work. I mean I've never seen anything quite as good. The mat lines all match. The . . . .
Lois: Jimmy.
Jimmy: Sorry. On your team one hundred percent.

5. Clark: Lois, this whole thing is our fault. We've gotten a little bit lax. We've forgotten that there are not just two people in this marriage. There are three: you, me and Superman. We're so used to the suit being a disguise, honey, but it can't disguise how I feel about you or how we feel about each other.

6. Lois: What is all this?
Clark: Condolence gifts for me.
Lois: Homemade fudge?
Clark: A couple of women downstairs whipped it up.
Lois: Oh, I see. I eat crow; you get fudge.

7. Reporter: Lois Lane. Hi, Ms. Lane, my name is Barry Dunning.
Lois: I know who you are.
Reporter: Oh, then you're familiar with my show, "In Your Face With
Barry Dunning?"
Lois: Yeah, riveting piece of journalism, especially the show on
cross-dressing cousins and the has-been child stars who love them.
Reporter: Well, thank you. That means a lot coming from you. You know, Ms. Lane, I'm going to give you a chance to tell your side of the story.
Lois: No comment.
Reporter: What about the photograph, Ms. Lane?
Lois: No comment.
Reporter: And, are you or are you not having an affair with Superman?
Lois: No comment.
Reporter: What do you say to those who are calling you "Superman's Super Strumpet?"
Lois: They're calling me super strumpet?
Reporter: Care to respond?
Lois: No.
Reporter: Oh, come on, Ms. Lane, I'm only out for the truth.
Lois: The truth means nothing to you. All you're interested in is sleaze. You're a disgrace to legitimate reporters like Clark and myself. And, you are not gonna get what you're digging for here, vulture boy. I'm not gonna give you some soundbite that you can twist and turn. Whatever my relationship is with Superman is nobody's damn business but my own. So, get out of my face!

8. Reporter: Is he faster than a speeding bullet?
Lois: I beg your pardon. I'm a married woman.

9. Lois: Clark, there's a greater truth to protect here, and, that's the idea of who Superman is. If you tell them that you're married, that you have feelings and desires like everybody else, then that image of a hero is shattered. It's gone. People need to believe in that mythic truth. That is what Superman is all about, and that is what you should protect
above all else.

10. Reporter: Superman, are you having an illicit affair with Lois Lane?
Superman: The truth is . . . no. I am not having, nor have I ever had, an illicit affair with Lois Lane.
Reporter: Then, how do you explain the photograph?
Superman: The photograph in question is a fake. I have proof that shows it's all part of a very, very carefully orchestrated smear campaign.
Reporter: If nothing is going on, then how come Clark Kent isn't here?
Superman: He is here. Right there, next to Lois. That's what that ring on her finger symbolizes. Clark and Lois trust each other. That's the only truth
that really matters.

11. Clark: Oooh, whoa. Your feet are freezing.
Lois: Warm em up.
Clark: Okay.
(Clark uses his heat vision to warm up something other than Lois' feet.)
Lois: You missed.
Clark: No, I didn't.

Season 4, Episode 14: "Meet John Doe"

Written by: Tim Minear
Directed by: Jim Pohl
Original airdate: March 2, 1997
Guest stars: Lane Davies as Tempus; Fred Willard as President
Garner; William
Christopher as Andrus; Victor Raider-Wexler as Doctor
Dussel; Robert
Arce as Barrett; Richard Cody as Randolph; Dennis
Fimple as the homeless
man; Ben McCain as the anchor; Shirley Jordan as the
cop; Scott A. Smith
as suit no. 1; Cynthia Kania as suit no. 2; Mary Amadeo
Ingersoll as suit no. 3.

Tempus, in a home for the criminally insane, breaks out, as a peacekeeper from Utopia arrives through a time window to extradite him for his crimes in the future. Tempus, then, runs for President as "John Doe" but doesn't reveal his identity. He uses a "subliminator," a device from the future, to influence people's votes. Meanwhile, Clark has been having visions of being separated from Lois and not being able to do anything about it, and, f nally, Lois and Clark discover who John Doe is. 

So, Lois and Clark visit the home; however, they discover that Tempus isn't m missing. Actually, the peacekeeper had replaced him with a synthetic version of himself so that people from the present wouldn't ask questions. Yet, Clark knows that this isn't Tempus because there is no evil in him, so, they go to visit the real Tempus. Lois surmises that Tempus is getting into people's heads, and the reporters attempt to discover how. Andrus, the peacekeeper, tries to stop Tempus, whose time window no longer works, but, since Tempus can't escape, he makes Andrus his running mate and holds him hostage.

Before Lois and Clark can figure out what is happening, "John Doe" wins the election.   After the election, Superman begins being harassed by government officials, and Lois learns that a homeless man who had been ranting that John Doe came through a window has been killed.  Tempus' former cellmate also tells them that he had left through a window and that the Tempus in the asylum is not the real one. In addition, he relates that the new vice president is the peacekeeper. Meanwhile, Tempus influences Lois, who almost drives her car off a cliff, but Superman stops her. Superman, then, confronts

Tempus and warns him to stay away from Lois, promising him that his ethics aren't going to stop him from protecting her.  Tempus tells his assistant to let Andrus escape, and Andrus goes to Lois and Clark, asking Clark to go to the future with him to take Tempus back. After Clark leaves, Tempus' doctor calls Lois to tell her that Tempus escaped with the help of John Doe. Superman and Andrus confront Tempus, or, really, the fake Tempus, and Clark gets stuck in a time window. Thus, Clark's nightmare comes true.

Classic Lines:

1. Lois: I'm just thinkin' about the future.
Clark: The future can wait. C'mon, I'll help you get back to sleep. Or not.
Lois: (Clark kissing her neck) Mmm, you're probably right. Future's
overrated anyway. Couldn't possibly get any better than this

.
2. Barrett: So, I gather you still believe you're from the future.
Tempus: Duh!

3. Lois: No, just, after redoing my insurance papers last night, I realized I hadn't had a will made out.
Clark: That's because you don't need a will.
Lois: Well, this year alone, I have been shot at, strapped to explosives, and electrocuted. If anyone needs a will made out, it's me.

4. Tempus: (Into subliminator) The Amish are not your friends. They are
anti-John Doe. Boycott their quilts. They're overpriced, and the workmanship is shoddy anyway. Oh, and John Doe is a darn nice guy.

5. Tempus: It is said we all have a twin someplace in the world. Why, Mr.
Kent, without those glasses, I'd say you'd look exactly like, well, duh.

6. Lois: I know this isn't our usual approach, but I say you go over there and kick his skinny butt.
Clark: I would love to, but, honey, you know Superman can't just go beat up the president elect.
Lois: Why not?
Clark: Lois.

7. Clark: Lois, if I ever lost you, I'd be losing myself.
Lois: I'm right here.
Clark: I know.
Lois: Make love to me, Clark.

Season 4, Episode 15: "Lois and Clarks"

Written by: Eugenie Ross-Leming and Brad Buckner
Directed by: Chris Long
Original airdate: March 9, 1997
Guest stars: Lane Davies as Tempus; Fred Willard as President
Garner; Hamilton Camp
as H.G. Wells; Rick Dean as Dragon; Ben McCain as the
anchor; John
Kendall as Rustic.

Tempus has the whole world fooled, while Lois attempts to get Clark back. H.G. Wells brings back the Clark from the alternate universe (see "Tempus, Anyone?" from season three) in order to help Lois. As Tempus becomes more powerful, the alternate Clark discovers how he is brainwashing people, and he and Lois fight the attraction they have for one another. The alternate Superman saves the world just as Tempus is about to blow it up, and Wells uses the time machine to get the real Clark back. Before he is taken away, Tempus attempts to tell the world of Superman's secret identity, but the presence of a Clark and a Superman in this world, foils his plan. 

Classic Lines:

1. Tempus: Dragon, I'm told that you are the cruelest, most sadistic, most feared cutthroat in Metropolis. You killed your parents when you were three, and it's been downhill ever since.
Dragon: That's more or less it.
Tempus: How'd you like to be Secretary of State?

2. Tempus: What do you think this is? A family television show? Only
unhappy endings allowed here, Lois.

3. Lois: You are dirt. You are filth. You are pocket lint. You are pocket lint in the pockets of lawyers.

4. Lois: I know this sounds awful. I really don't want you here. It's like having Clark but not. And, accepting you means accepting that he's gone. And, I'm not ready to do that.
Alt-Clark: Clark would want me to stay.
Lois: How do you know what Clark would want?
Alt-Clark: He'd want me to protect this world. He'd want me to protect you.

5. Jonathan: And, who are you?
Wells: H.G. Wells.
Jonathan: The writer? Aren't you dead?
Wells: Only some of the time.

6. Alt-Clark: Lois, is this how it is with the two of you? Workin' together like this?
Lois: Yeah.
Alt-Clark: Wow.

7. Alt-Clark: It's a lonely world without love. I know because it's how I live my life.

8. Lois: Oh, this is unforgivable.
Alt-Clark: I'm so sorry.
Lois: Just shameful.
Alt-Clark: I'm really sorry.
Lois: No, not you, me. I almost kissed you. How could I almost kiss you?
Alt-Clark: No, I almost kissed you.
Lois: No, I almost kissed you.
Alt-Clark: No, believe me I. . .
Lois: Okay, fine, we almost kissed us. Look, Clark, other, other
Clark, I'm in a really weird place right now. I, I miss my husband, whom you look exactly like. And, it wouldn't take a lot of imagination to pretend you were him, but you're not him, and I love him, and you have to understand that.
Alt-Clark: Yes, understood completely. But, Lois, see my life is that lonely thing that I talked about, and, and there's this weird chemistry between you and I that I don't really understand. But, I promise you it will never, ever, ever, ever happen again.

9. Wells: I refuse to believe that something so diabolical could be so easy.
Tempus: Well, that's the Protestant in you.

10. Lois: You know the terrible thing about marriage? You take it for granted. You think that that person sleeping next to you, that sound they make when they're breathing, you think you'll always have that.
Alt-Clark: Lois, if there was any way I could get him back . . .
Lois: I know. Listen, about that chemistry thing. I think that your feelings . . . Just like it was easy for me to confuse you with Clark, I think that your
feelings for me are really meant for her . . . your Lois.
Alt-Clark: But, you see, I've never even met her. She was lost in an
assignment in the Congo. So . . .
Lois: I just think that somehow you're meant to be together.
Alt-Clark: You know, it is so much less complicated being Superman than being Clark.
Lois: That sounds like something Clark would say. It's amazing how much like him you've become.

11. Tempus: You know, as fun as all this is, the one wild card is still that copycat Superman of yours. But, as I recall, he was quite fond of Lois here, so he's probably containable.
Lois: Probably not. He's out there right now finding your mind control device. Once that's gone, so's your power base.
Tempus: Well, you're just little Miss Spunky, aren't ya?

12. Alt- Clark: You are the luckiest man alive.
Clark: I know.
Alt- Clark: If my Lois had lived, my world would be a better place. Especially for me.

Season 4, Episode 16: "AKA Superman"

Written by: Jeffrey Vlaming (completely rewritten by Tim Minear)
Directed by: Robert Ginty
Original airdate: March 16, 1997
Guest stars: Dwight Schultz as Garret Grady; Kristanna Loken as
Penny Barnes; Vito
D'Ambrosio as Peters; Michael Paul Chan as Chester
Paladin; Michole
White as Doris; Granville Ames as Steve McBride.

While Lois' plans for a surprise birthday party for Clark continue to be foiled by Superman's activities, Penny Barnes, a Superman-obsessed woman, attempts to discover the Man of Steel's s cret identity, and Jimmy fits the profile she has compiled. At the same time, Garret Grady plans to reactivate "the annihilator," a deadly weapon the government had scrapped before it was completely built, and NASA intends to destroy the satellite which went along with it.

When Grady kills an astronaut who refused to do his bidding, Lane and Kent get on the story, but the government is being less than forthcoming with information. Lois is frustrated over Superman's inability to say no to requests for appearances, and they discover that the ashes found at the astronaut's house were his. A government informant tells Clark that the mission the astronaut was going on involved the destruction of the satellite platform for the annihilator. 

Penny tells Jimmy that she knows that he is Superman, and he plays along with it, but, when she kisses Superman himself, things go haywire. Grady's assistant sees this and wants to use the information to force Superman to help them with the weapon. When Lois and Clark run into Jimmy and Penny, Lois gets suspicious and follows her. She sees Grady kidnaping her, but, before she can get help, she gets caught as well. Superman saves them, and Penny learns the truth about Jimmy. The surprise party for Clark does happen, but only to the surprise of both Lois and Clark, who are busy on the floor ripping each other's clothes off.

Classic Lines:

1. Lois: Do you realize it's been over a week since we've made love?
Clark: Eight days, six hours, four minutes, and two seconds. But who's
counting?

2. Penny: What's it like to be you? So brave, so fearless, so lonely? (Kiss)
Jimmy: It's hell. (Kiss).

3. Clark: An awful lot of people wanna hear from Superman. Sick kids,
lonely folks . . .
Lois: (picking up underwear out of an envelope) Are these from the sick or the lonely . . . or both?

4. Clark: I see so much of the bad in people. Crime and violence. But, to see the good things, it sort of recharges my spirit. Just like the sun recharges Superman's powers, well, these small things, they sort of recharge me.
Lois: Oh, thought I did that.
Clark: Honey, you sustain me.

5. Clark: When I was flyin' around last night, I got a chance to think. You were right. We're married now, and, well, Superman can't go off and attend every single event and charity function he's invited to.
Lois: True. But I can understand how Superman needs to experience the
good. And, I want you to have that, Clark, because, when you fly home to me, I want you to be okay.

6. Clark: Honey, I gotta prioritize, besides I think I should really spend my time with more important things. (Kiss)
Lois: Hmm, but, um, I'm, I'm, I'm telling you that this is, this is really important.
Clark: Uh, huh.
Lois: And, see, then, Superman would feel all the good, and you'd be able to . . .
Clark: (nuzzling her neck) Superman is feeling really good right now.
Lois: . . . bring that home. I know he does.

7. Peters: It's a time honored tradition. We hold his woman captive and
threaten to kill her if he doesn't do our bidding.
8. Jimmy: It's gonna be a couple of minutes.
Penny: Too bad you can't tell 'em who you really are. I bet we'd be seated right away.
Jimmy: Well, Penny, I made a solemn oath to only use my power for good, never for . . . dinner